What Do These Bands Have In Common?

Hot Hot Heat, Franz Ferdinand, Bloc Party, Modest Mouse.

Answers:
A) They are all described as "indie" rock
B) They are all on major labels.

More questions:
A) Why are these bands called "indie" if they're on major labels?
B) Why don't people just give up the name indie and call it what it really is: emo-folk.

That is all.

Joke Black Metal: Kvlt Komedy

While most black metal bands take themselves way too seriously, a select few allow themselves to joke around. Believe it or not, Burzum had quite a bit of fun with the media and made up stories to see what would happen. However, Vikernes is not the focus of this post. Rather, the bands Dark Kirchensteuer (German: Dark Church Tax) and Trollkotze (no fucking clue) have been making me shit my pants laughing. Found through a YouTube video entitled "10 Most Rediculous Black Metal Videos of All Time," these two bands were in places 9 and 10, and are completely tongue-in-cheek. Most of the other video clips from that montage were from bands that tried to look evil and ended up looking retarded (ie Immortal). Dark Kirchensteuer is a German smattering of terrible sounds and hilarious videos. Their second album, "Wir machen Kirchensaft" (We Make Church Juice) takes the cake for funniest name. Their most recent release, "The Wixer Mixer Album" is simply rediculous. The band can be found (In German) here and a rediculous Trollkotze video here . The lesson of the day is: Don't take yourself too seriously. That means you, Joey DeMaio.

Manifesto of Sorts

All right, so first off, let me say that I don't hate indie, I hate indie musicians and the idea of indie rock being an actual genre. I hate the idea of a genre where a band's quality is determined by how little success they can achieve and by the obscurity of their name. I also hate the idea of a band that calls itself a rock band, but is more focused on incorporating as many instruments no one cares about into their music. A great example of this is The Decemberists. Now, don't get me wrong, I love The Decemberists. In fact, I went to see them this summer in NYC and it was a fantastic show. However, the thought of "baroque pop," a tame kind of music your grandparents would love being associated with rock and roll makes me sick. So, I like indie music. The melodies are catchy and the songs are well put-together. But for the most part, indie is just folk, but with fucked up musical theory and 25 different instruments. As Martin Rushent in the movie Hype! put it: "When you've been through periods where you've had keyboard players with 50,000 lbs of kit on stage and 82 keyboards and 95 samplers, you know, after a while you just go, 'Hang on. This is like eating too much food at one sitting; there's too much sound, there's too many colors, it's all got poncey and posey. Let's go see some bands where they just bash it out."

Nextly, I don't care for bands who insist on calling themselves post-anything. This label only seems to exist because these bands don't want to be associated with the genre they actually belong to. I'm tired of noise punk bands being called post punk and I'm tired of people calling emo/screamo bands post hardcore because they don't want their friends to think they like My Chemical Romance and Fallout Boy. I like Glassjaw. We can call that screamo. I'm fine with that. There are good emo bands and bad emo bands. The Trashmen didn't call themselves post-surf because they thought The Beach Boys sucked (I don't know if they actually thought this. This is provided as an example. Bite me). If you really think a band adds something new to a genre, call it progressive whatever. Rush did this. They're fine and dandy.

And what happened to musicians having fun and being themselves? Every band has to come as a package now. You've got music, buzzwords, clothes and political opinions all in one package. This is why the Seattle grunge scene was the best music thing ever. Sure, they all wore the same clothes, but they were doing that anyway because it was cold and rainy. That'd be like a bunch of farmers starting bands in Kansas and people buying overalls and straw hats because it was "so farmrock to wear that".

Finally, when it comes to music, Kurt Cobain said it best "Music first, then lyrics." By this I mean bands should try to make music rather than make a statement. Sure, if you want to say something, go ahead, but don't make the message more important than the music, Anti-Flag and other terrible punk bands. Punk doesn't have to suck to have a good message. Again, the Dead Kennedys are a prime example of a band with a message that wasn't just a bunch of angry, shitty chords screamed incoherently and grouped into a genre that was really nothing more than a fashion movement. That's right, punks. What do the Sex Pistols and the Casualties have in common? Mohawks. That is all.

Emperor's Tyrannical Wrath Destroys Stupid Shit Like Cradle of Filth

If you didn't understand the title of this post, it's because you're a moron. Emperor's first demo, which was later released in the same poorly-produced-but-poorly-produced-in-a-way-to-make-it-scary quality, was entitled "Wrath of the Tyrant". However, that work is not the focus of this post. Their debut real album "In The Nightside Eclipse" is akin to "Dark Medieval Times" (scroll down) in that it contains a cold, evil atmosphere, starting directly from the first song which has a weird intro. In fact, if you like one, you'll like the other, but you won't like them because none of my friends like black metal and they are the only ones who will read this. "Into the Infinity of Thoughts," much like "Walk the Path of Sorrow," starts off the album with a fast, harsh, violent feeling. Ihsahn's vocals are in more of a typical black metal vein than Satyr's, whose contained more use of the actual vocal chords, but the keyboard and tremolo-picked guitars maintain the frozen atmosphere of the album. Whereas in "Dark Medieval Times" the keyboard held all of the chord structure and the guitars were mixed in a way that manifested them as nothing more than noise, "In The Nightside Eclipse" makes both of these instruments distinguishable. A sample of "The Majesty of the Night Sky" can be found here.

The Livingbrooks: Surf-punk for People who Hate their Hometown

At the suggestion, or rather force, of my friend/drummer/rape victim Kory, I listened to this album, which is free from the donation-only Quote Unquote Records. As stated on the website, it's very reminiscient of The Ramones and The Queers, but I also hear a lot of The Trashmen and other 60's surf groups. The album, in my opinion, is a story about a night in the singer's shitty hometown, hence the album title. The first song "The Sun Is Setting" kicks off the album with a fast, upbeat feel, and then progresses to other songs about alienation and having your friends become cokeheads. The lyrical themes slowly progress from this to dreams about a better place, and eventually in tracks 11, 12 and 13, surf-punk ballads (or as close as surf-punk can get to a ballad). The final song "When The Sun Starts Coming Up" brings the story to an end and offers an escape to others sick of their hometown.
Overall, this is definitely one of the best albums I have ever heard, and it's also free. The zip file is available from the label's website.

Satyricon is the Pinnacle of Human Development

While their record label and most fans will tell you otherwise, Satyricon's debut album "Dark Medieval Times" was really their best. It comes in, after an odd intro that sounds like horns and gun-cocks, with the song "Walk the Path of Sorrow," an eight-minute masterpiece that punches you in the face, breaks down in to a flute and acoustic number, and then punches you in the face again. The rest of the album is very similar. Harsh, piercing, cold black metal, and medieval breakdowns. The production quality of this album is debatable. Many argue that it is poor and cheaply produced, however, I have yet to hear a black metal album which so properly evokes the cold and hate that the bands want it to. Satyr's vocals, having been passed through who knows how many different reverbs, screech like Satan's nails on the chalkboard at a Catholic school. While some of the other early-90's black metal bands were busy trying to throw out as many albums as they could blaspheming as many ways as possible, Satyricon wrote about fog and castles, and fog-castles while still maintaining a vehemently anti-Christian view. Dark Medieval Times freezes your mind while burning your church. A sample from "Walk the Path of Sorrow" starting with a medieval breakdown, can be found here.